Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
