im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize