it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
