If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
