Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can Purell be used as lube?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
