I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
