remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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