The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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