U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
