oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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