This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
