i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
