I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
