No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
