I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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