I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
