And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
a search helicopter?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
do nipples grow back?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
