Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
