felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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