It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
