No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
