his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
