On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
