Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish you could order shots online.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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