is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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