Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
