how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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