I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
