You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
