I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
