I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
