Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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