Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
