She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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