i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
