careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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