he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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