I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
