why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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