She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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