is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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