On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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