I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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