Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize