this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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