He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
