We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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