yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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