please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We smell like vodka and hangover
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