just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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