Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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