I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
