can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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