I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
