Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Still dying that you shit outside
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
