you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
