I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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