i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
