Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
