My friends, they love my intelligence
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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