Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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