i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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