It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
