ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
