im drinking this country out of the recession.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
