if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
