Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
