Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
